I’m feeling very down today, I can’t sleep and that makes me think about stuff, but mostly of the things I’ve done till’ this moment of my life.
I’m close to turn 20 and that scares me. I feel like I haven’t done most of the things I wanted through this years. Also this makes me questioning myself, ¿Am I really missing important things of life? ¿Special moments? ¿Opportunities? I don’t know. I’ve changed. I’m not the same like I was 3 years ago, in a mentally way. I think I’m colder. I do not care of anything else than myself to be honest and not to sound selfish but somehow I perceive myself like that. I’m focus on my stuff, university, career, projects, just myself. Another thing I noticed, I got more sensitive but even more closed to tell people about my feelings, It’s so fucking hard to me to talk about it, or even say ‘I love you’ to my friends, to my family and that’s not okay. I’m stuck at a mental point where I’m scared of my own feelings. It feels like drowning.
There’s blood on my hands, and the killers not my enemy. It’s all for the sake of love, It’s all for you.